Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn’t have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again.
Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I’m Home
The French have a phrase for it. The bastards have a phrase for everything and they are always right. To say goodbye is to die a little.
Raymond Chandler, The Long Goodbye
I swallow your heart and you make me
spit it up again. I swallow your heart and it crawls
right out of my mouth.
You swallow my heart and flee, but I want it back now, baby. I want it back.
Richard Siken, from “Dirty Valentine”
I have been told
sometimes the most healing thing we can do
is remind ourselves
over and over and over
other people feel this too
The conversation between your fingers and someone else’s skin. This is the most important discussion you can ever have.
Iain Thomas, I Wrote This For You
I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.
I can’t decide which makes me more miserable – being with you or not being with you.
I want to forget everything you told me. I want to wash away how uncertain you made me. How scared I was of losing you. How I lost you anyway. I don’t want to know how your hands feel or what makes you smile. I don’t want to see you in photos, familiar like a dream I had once or a book I never finished. I don’t want to speak about you in snippets or think about how I behaved. Or know that I still think about it. Or know that you’re not just a lamp or a blade of grass, indistinguishable from the rest.
I am made up of bad habits. Consistent in how
I love boys who will never love me back.
Letting the phone go to voicemail when my
mother calls. Biting my nails bloody.
Wearing dresses when I should wear jeans.
Making my body small. Forgetting names
but not asking for them again. Maybe I should
have called. Maybe you should stop calling.
Maybe I should have remembered how you
take your coffee, your favorite band,
that you smoke a pack a day. Maybe I should
have apologized. If it’s any consolation,
my next birthday will be me eating cake in bed
and licking the icing off of my fingers alone.
Kristina Haynes, “Bad Habits”
And the night smells like snow.
Walking home for a moment
you almost believe you could start again.
And an intense love rushes to your heart,
and hope. It’s unendurable, unendurable.
Franz Wright, closing lines to “Night Walk” from God’s Silence
I’ll never forget how the depression and loneliness felt good and bad at the same time. Still does.
Did you ever feel like you stopped getting better?” she says. “Like one day your life just flattened out and you might never get any better at anything?” Her eyes are glossy. “Like you lost your chance?
Kathryn Burak, Emily’s Dress and Other Missing Things
My heart feels so heavy and I don’t know how to carry it.
Sharon Dogar, Annexed
One day you’ll get used to the mud in your lungs and your veins and your eyes, and you’ll feel fine.
Chelsea Wolfe, from Numb As The Winter
I’m scared as hell to want you. But here I am, wanting you anyway.